the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
