whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
