Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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