Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
