dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
