hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
