Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
