so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
