We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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