i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
