do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
