Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
