How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
