I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
