I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
