Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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