My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
