I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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