WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
