come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
