Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
