im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
