The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
