turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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