The maid of honor just puked.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
