i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
