I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
