You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
