You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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