i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
