There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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