They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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