Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
