i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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