I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
