mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
