It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
