She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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