hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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