Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just invented taco cereal.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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