I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
