Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
