i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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