Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
this is an emotional support booty call
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
