I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
