We got so high we made milksteak
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
