is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So many bounce houses so little time
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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