I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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