What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize