My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
