..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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