I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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