you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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