I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am naked and annoyed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
