his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have peed in a lot of sinks
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
