The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
