I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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