im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
