so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Bring me that man meat
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
