Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
