My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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