Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
